First Parent/Teacher Phone Call

Ethan has been going to preschool two days a week this year. He has done very well - we have seen a real jump in his imagination, creativity, and overall learning ability since going there. He can write most of his letters, though not very neatly. He colors pretty much in the lines. He interacts well with other kids. His teachers always say great things about him, and any time I have picked him up, he has been very involved and well-behaved with the class. So, all in all, we've been happy.

There have been a few issues lately, though, that are causing me to rethink next year's enrollment.

1) The playground. It is lovely and every kid's dream. BUT, the surface is made up of pebbles, and under those pebbles is DIRT. I hate nice days when he's there because I know he will come home filthy from head to toe. Now, this conflict has a resolution - they are resurfacing the playground this weekend. I know they were getting a ton of complaints, so I am glad.

2) His classmate of choice...From day one - literally the day I took him back in August and observed for a few hours - there has been a little boy who I will refer to as "Calvin." That's not his name, but considering this boy's terrible behavior, I think Calvin (aka, 'and Hobbes') is fitting. Anyway, this kid is a holy terror - he's always in time out, so active he makes Ethan look tame, and apparently, he is a hitter and has a potty mouth.

Last week, Ethan came home and told me Calvin hit him on the head. I was LIVID, but I know my child and I know that this might not be true. Ethan has a steel trap for a memory, so sometimes he'll talk about things that happened months ago as if they just occurred. Example: I asked him if he got a time out at Christine's, and he told me yes. SHE told me that no, he hasn't had one in two weeks. But, to Ethan, he did get a time out once, so therefore, the correct answer to my question was 'yes.'

Anyway, Ethan told me he cried, and his teacher yelled at Calvin and put him in time out. The next day, I spoke to his teacher about the incident. She couldn't recall that happening, but said she wouldn't put it past Calvin. She said the group of boys Ethan always plays with - there are 4 of them, including him - are quite rough and frequently hit and wrestle around. I know that boys will be boys and my boy is certainly no angel, but Ethan is not a hitter, at least not left to his own devices. He can be as ornery and wild as they come, but when it comes down to it, Ethan is an extremely sweet and good-natured little boy. He can be a bit bashful at first and just wants to play and have fun. Even during his tantrums, he's very quick to cry, apologize, and go back to being sweet. In fact, I worry about him being a follower because he is just not aggressive and tends to stand back and watch other kids before doing anything. I certainly don't want him around kids who are that rough and learning to act that way. We talk to him about it all the time, but - he's 3. How much of our lectures is he actually grasping?

Then, yesterday Ethan had a stern talking-to from Christine. Apparently, Ethan kept saying "damn it" at her house. When asked where he heard that word, he replied - Calvin. Big surprise, considering since starting school, Ethan has taken to saying the following: stupid, stinky, poopie, and butt-head. I am a teacher so I do realize that he is eventually going to be exposed to these words and much, much worse. However, again, the kid isn't even 4 yet; can we please hang on to some verbal innocence a bit longer?

And, today, I picked up Ethan from school (where he was once again - filthy) and he promptly told me that Calvin hit him on the cheek today and that he didn't tell his teacher. I'd had just about enough, so I called the teacher to talk about my concerns. I just really wanted to know if Ethan is truly being hit, if he's hitting, and if I need to get him put into the other preschool room away from this Calvin, with whom Ethan actually really likes playing.

I got to talk to the other preschool teacher at the center; they split the kids into two groups and share the same large space. This teacher mainly interacts with Ethan on the playground, where I'm assuming most of these incidents occur. She told me that as far as today, there was no hitting by anyone. She also said Ethan never gets in trouble for hitting, but that his group of buddies gets scolded often for rough housing or cursing at school. As for the cursing, she told me it is not Calvin, but another boy Ethan has frequently described as being bad. The teacher said they have been working on that issue with the little potty mouth's parents. So, that's that.

I did mention that I don't like that we don't get a daily report for Ethan - they stop that with the 2-year-old class. True, Ethan is very capable of telling me what's going on, but how reliable is a 3-year-old? Not very. I asked if they could at least give me a write up if there is an incident - if Ethan gets a time out, has an incident with another child, etc - and she said absolutely. I am glad.

That way we can handle things at home as well in case reinforcements are needed.

I know as a teacher, I sometimes dread calling parents back. It was surreal to be on the other end of this type of conversation. I felt like a for real parent. Combine that with the fact that last night, I stepped in my youngest child's poop and then got peed on by him, and I am all parented out for this week.